3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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