the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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