OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this hospital has no fireball
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
