John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
