he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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