Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she smelled like a LAN party
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
