Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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