Swine flu. Run for my life!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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