Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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