Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
