he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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