You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
