I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
