Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
