I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
