Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
