Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
