i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
