I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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