Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
