Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We need to rekindle our bromance
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
