went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
