I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
