But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
