I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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