**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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