Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
