I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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