I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
