so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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