he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
