Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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