My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
