I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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