i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
