It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
