I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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