We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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