Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
