I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
