i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
