i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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