Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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