and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
