dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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