One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
