I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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