Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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