just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
