Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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