Only a mothe r could love this liver
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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