you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
