wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
