I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
