I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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