Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
