Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
