ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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