i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
