is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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