Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im part way to drunk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
