Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
