The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
