How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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