you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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