when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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