and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
