She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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