my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
