i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
