The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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