she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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