guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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