we have officially lost it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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