Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ketchup is God's man juice
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Floor bacon is actually really good
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