I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
